just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
