Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
