I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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