dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
