yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
