i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
