her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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