He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
