oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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