Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
