You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize