cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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