my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
FUCK WHALES
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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