What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
