So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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