I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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