she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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