I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Less talking, more tequila
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
