One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
