I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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