just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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