Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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