you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
