wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
