Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
