Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
