Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
