I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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