If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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