i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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