Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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