4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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