I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
