he thought i was a dude.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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