He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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