the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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