Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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