You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
