shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
