what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
