Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
