Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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