I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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