alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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