Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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