So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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