Cold hands, warm shart.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You pole danced in your parka.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
