sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
