dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just found puke in my bra..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
