But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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