I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
