I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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