Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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