i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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