ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
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Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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