he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
