Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
