so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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