im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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