i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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