Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
