I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
