my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
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Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
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Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize