i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
