halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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