Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
