I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
