i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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