Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
